Blame it on the rain
by chitsuki-loves-sesshomaru
Summary: What Sess needs. What Inu longs for. SessInu angst/comfort  ONESHOT poem


Once again I find myself here in this desolate place.

Simply a shadow carved from the moonlight itself.

Walking up to the glassy surface that most resembles my heart.

This lake.

This large puddle of tears.

Tears that are shed without shame, scenting the air of the night when angels cry.

It hangs in the trees adding sorrow to that earthy smell and I think back to when I first came here.

Oh yes, I remember now, the night when I was called one "bastard" too many.

I fought you with my all while holding back my pain, and in the end you still left me in defeat.

It rained on that night too, the sky reflecting the turmoil in my heart.

Oh, just what I wouldn't to have everything back to how they once were!

The times when we were happy and lived on our lands in peace.

What did I do to make you hate me so?

And now I'm here, my head hanging in shame as tears threaten to show themselves and sobs wracking to burst from my lungs.

"Bastard?"

Looking into my reflection, our eyes connect.

One pair seeing nothing as the other pair saw everything.

Why brother? Why do you hate me so?

I feel no malice toward you there are no such feelings in my heart.

I'd hug you if you'd let me, what I wouldn't give to hold onto you and never let go!

My dear brother.

You, the perfect one, I envy you.

The tears have broken free and are rolling down my face in this rain.

How would you feel toward me if I went to you with tears streaming from my eyes?

Should I go to you and let you witness the wreck that I've become?

The others who depend on me would never suspect such a thing from me.

To think that I come here every rainfall to stand at this lake of tears to cry for you!

And so I do…

I am not alone, yet I am lonely.

I long for the deliriously happy days when I looked into those honey eyes of yours and knew that you loved me.

As my tears fall into this lake, my sobs voice themselves.

So powerful that I feel my chest heave inward.

So painful that I fall to my knees trying to balance myself while clawing the dirt.

I need you.

And I hate myself for it.

I need your embrace, to let me know that everything's fine.

That everything's okay…

But I know it won't come.

I know that.

Because everything's not okay.

And we are not young anymore.

And I cry for times lost.

I cry because you were the only one who I dared to love and in the end, even you managed to break my heart.

I don't want to love anymore so I sealed my heart away in adamant and ice.

Adamant and ice…

Impenetrable and so cold that it burns.

That is me.

A simple shadow carved of moonlight and ice.

I, a living phantom.

Haunting these grounds for something, forgetting what it is.

"What is it that I seek?"

My body was once again overcome by the spasms of sorrow

My senses alert, my body uncaring.

I see you coming toward me in my current state, unable to hide.

A whine escaping my lips.

So how do you think of me now?

Do you wish to kill me like the lowly dog I am?

Because you can…

I wouldn't even blame you if you did.

I bury my face in the ground.

Earth mingling with tears.

It seems as though I can't stop the sorrow.

A flowing river of disappointment, doubt, and sadness.

I feel arms lift my upper half.

I am standing on my knees.

I look to where you once stood and I see the sword that I once sought to take from you has been cast aside to the ground.

It lay there abandoned and helpless.

And it seems that I have taken its place as you hold me.

You do not speak.

Nor do I.

You take my face in your hand.

I am forced to look at you, your beauty.

I am ashamed.

You show emotion so freely wearing your heart on your sleeve.

You stroke my head lovingly.

You smell of innocence.

You broke me without knowing or trying.

We carry on like this.

I want it to last forever.

I wish to drown in your being like I drown in my own sorrows.

I want to be guided by your heart and become one with you.

Would you let me?

I fall asleep in your arms and I wonder what happens from here.

Will you leave me to my emptiness?

Pretending that we never encountered…

No…

You continued to hold my empty shell of a body.

You'd guard me and protect me even if only for one night.

I felt your eyes focused on me until I gave way to a deeper slumber.

Intent on keeping him safe.

I know I was being foolish, but I'd do anything for him if he'd just let me.

He didn't even snore, he sighed softly in his sleep.

Watching in awe of him, in spite of myself.

I don't even know how we came to hate one another.

Almost as if it happened overnight.

We both say things.

And never mean them.

I know this now.

I thought I was the only one.

We need each other.

So we never stray too far away.

I in the forest, you in the meadow.

You at the river, I standing underneath the waterfall.

I never thought of it until the other night.

Never thought you needed me; like I you.

So I sought you out.

And found you here undone.

Do not cry for me anymore.

I'm here now.

Hatred is not worth losing you…

So I'll follow you into your land of dreams.

To the place where none of this happened.

And we never cried, never suffered like this.

"Goodnight, saiai-ani."

…

….

…..

….

A.N.- saiai-ani(sounds like sigh-I-aani)- beloved brother


End file.
